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Firstly, Karl wanted me to say that he is the prettiest lady. I am in no way saying that that statement is true, I am merely including that statement in this blog. There you go Karl. 

Also, Karl, someone said that if you were a dog you'd be a labrador. I disagree. I think you'd be closer to a whippet.

Secondly, I’ve been educating Americans about the dangers of drop bears. They now understand that these animals are a serious threat, and will endeavour to wear Vegemite whenever bushwalking around Australia.

Alright, now the main point of this blog post.

So I’ve been ripping into America rather a lot lately. Which makes sense, cos they are a backwards country.

But I’m one of those people into the whole ‘equality’ thing. So for equality’s sake, I’m gonna spend this post going over the stupid things I’ve discovered about Australia. 

FYI, part of this is light-hearted and me being usual me. Part of it is serious and rather sad and terrible. Now proceed.

Firstly, the culture. I grew up in the Shire, which is a cultural bubble. The general culture there is redneck petrol-head bogan, with people who drive a hundred metres up the road cos they are too lazy to walk. There are, in all fairness, very few Asians, compared to other regions, and people in general are kinda racist about it - “Go back to where you came from”, “Come back when you speak our language”, and far, far worse, simply because some people are different.

A lot of Australians are horribly racist. 

Weather: as I keep saying to people, we don’t have seasons, we have weather. It does what it damn well wants to do whenever it wants to. In winter we have boiling hot days and in summer we can have a week of torrential rain and then no rain for the next two years. 

Hail is a serious problem here, and can occasionally kill you. Americans, that isn’t a joke. 

We have annual bushfires that are so hot trees explode and cars can melt within a minute. This has happened. Our fire warning system does not stop at severe, and “High Fire Danger” is only the second level of many.

On our weather heat maps they’ve had to introduce new colours because they ran out due to it getting too hot.

In summer, you go outside and you can literally feel the sun searing your flesh.

Seriously.

And then people refuse to put solar panels on the roofs of their houses. 

Redneck bogans. 

They crank the air con, put wet clothes in the dryer, when we have a sun that in some parts will seriously sunburn you in twenty minutes. Summer won’t just dry your clothes, it will cook them. 

People in Australia don’t like renewable energy, superficially because it ain’t powerful enough, not enough money in it, etc. 

Guys, have you been outside in summer? Have I not made my point about the sun clear enough?

The other day, I think it was Sarah who said, “It gets hot here in the summer. Sometimes it gets up to [20 degrees Celsius]"

I was amazed. Not at the temperature, but that she said that was hot. 

“Are you serious?” I replied. “In Australia, in winter, it sometimes drops to 20 degrees. In fact, it might get so cold people occasionally put on jeans for warmth."

Now on to politics. There is no way I can cover just how messed up this is, so I’ll only give brief pictures. 

- We’re the only country in the world to repeal a carbon price (supposedly because of cost of living pressures) while at the same time increasing health  and education costs. 

- The NSW premier resigns after “forgetting” he received a 1959 bottle of grange (worth several thousand dollars) while in fact he had written a thank you note, which the giver had kept.

- The Attorney General says everyone has the right to be a bigot. 

- Treasurer Hockey says poor people don’t drive cars. 

- The Prime Minister said people rarely use public transport. Reality: our trains are so jam-packed that some stations refuse to let more people on. Why did he say this? Cos he never uses it, as an overpaid pollie.  

- Abbott also said, “We just can’t stop people from being homeless if that’s their choice”, and upon being asked what his greatest contribution was as Minister for Women: “Repealing the carbon tax. So women can now save $50 a week on their shopping."

- Environment minister Greg Hunt wrote his masters thesis arguing for a carbon price, then in government argues against it.

- One of our biggest mining magnates (biggest in the literal sense of the word too) thought it would be a good idea to run for prime minister. This man also wants to build the Titanic 2, and his own dinosaur park. 

- a climate-change denier is appointed to head an inquiry into renewable energy. They find that renewable energy will reduce electricity costs but still think it should be abolished anyway.

- Tim Wilson is appointed Human Rights Commissioner after he has opposed the Human Rights Commission and called for it to be abolished for years.

- Joe Hockey argues we have a budget emergency but gives $9B to reserve bank, even though they didn’t want it. 

That is a small sampler of what is wrong with our government. And you know what? Since I don’t know heaps of hard facts about our politicians, I asked Dad for a few things about them. He gave me that list from memory within twenty minutes. That gives you an idea of how much dirt there is on our pollies out there.

People voted in Tony Abbott …. why?

Because they didn’t like Labor. 

Hello, Aussies, you do realize we have more than one other party? Greens? PUP? Motoring Enthusiasts, Pirates, Shooters, Katter Australia, Family First, Liberal Democrats, Christian Democrats, Australian Democrats (as opposed to the other two, cos they aren’t australian?), Animal Justice Party, Independents … I could go on. Seriously, the list is huge. And there are multiple, not one but several, parties against multiculturalism. Do those idiots remember how Australia was a) colonized and b) populated? By multiple nationalities. Bunch of ignorant racists.

Then it just gets sad. Cos that stuff before is not the worst, not by a long shot.

Remember that racism stuff?

Scott Morrison was until recently the Minister for Immigration or something like that. 

Now, it is a Universal Human Right that people are allowed to seek asylum. Look into it. Most people trying to enter Australia by any means are legal. What they are doing is fully within their rights and we should be helping.

What does Morrison do?

He gains complete power over them by something resembling blackmail, and then refuses to let anyone in. In doing this, he is ignoring the UN, who has been telling Australia they are breaking International Law.

He also keeps everyone locked up on Manus Island/Nauru/bunch of others, where reports are leaked that asylum seekers are tortured, beaten, raped, etc, and attempting to commit suicide, whilst Morrison insists that things are fine over there.

Tony Abbott then cuts Australian foreign aid to an all-time low, despite the fact that we are, I think, the 4th richest nation. We do have those Millennium Goal things, Abbott. Good luck completing them now. 

We also at one point had the whole Stolen Generation thing. One big stain on our history amongst many others.

I could go on, but I won’t, cos this is just getting too awful. 

Our nation really really needs to implement the model of grace, peace and restorative justice that Jesus demonstrates in the Bible to overthrow the oppressive and corrupt rich-get-richer regime of first-century Judea. 

It works, guys. 

Even if you doubt that, how can it be any worse than what we have?