Canadia!!!
It's the same region as the US.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT??
They are freaking sensible.
They have metric. They have Centigrade. Their prices include tax. They have proper gun laws, that restrict the use of deadly weapons. And if you die in Canada, you die in real life.
America, this country is next door to you. Can you not see how wonderful their base 10 system is?
It's the same region as the US.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT??
They are freaking sensible.
They have metric. They have Centigrade. Their prices include tax. They have proper gun laws, that restrict the use of deadly weapons. And if you die in Canada, you die in real life.
America, this country is next door to you. Can you not see how wonderful their base 10 system is?
Ok, I’ll give context.
Whistler, Part 1
We went to the Whistler Ski Resort this past weekend, and stayed in the Fairmont Chateau. This is one of the swankiest hotels I’ve stayed in, which doesn’t say much, I think.
But still.
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| Check out dat swank bro |
This was our backyard:
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| Our backyard at nighttime. |
That’s the ski slope.
Yeah.
Expensive, but worth it.
Everyone was so scared that we would get hurt, and the recruiters were constantly reminding us to be safe and not injure ourselves skiing.
I wrote that sentence before we left.
Now upon return I write:
We got hurt.
I took some nasty head and gut hits, and my butt is fairly bruised. Harley took a serious tumble and tore open his pants in an unfortunate spot, with his skis ending up like this:
I wrote that sentence before we left.
Now upon return I write:
We got hurt.
I took some nasty head and gut hits, and my butt is fairly bruised. Harley took a serious tumble and tore open his pants in an unfortunate spot, with his skis ending up like this:
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| More to come on this epic stack |
Did we get hurt?
Yes.
Did we get badly hurt?
No.
Do I regret any of my snowboarding?
No.
No.
Snowboarding was hard, but excellent fun. I teach myself using genetic algorithm-like techniques: try several things, and whichever works the best, use that as the base technique and vary it slightly to see how to snowboard best.
It works, after a while.
The snow was thick and powdery AND HOLY COW SNOW EVERYWHERE.
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| SNOW!! |
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| SNOW!!! |
I ain’t gonna get over it soon.
There’s a lot to say, and it will come in sections in future posts, as the title suggests. To kick off episode one, let us introduce our characters:
Firstly, The Great Harley Adams. He drove us the whole way there and back, safely piloting a twelve seater Candy Van along wet, winding and icy roads. What a froffin' mad dog.
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| For all his driving skills, he doesn't hold camera poses long enough and I end up with loads like this |
Next, DJEnna, who was in charge of the music for the whole trip, and skipped many rubbish songs of Chris’s, and many quality songs of mine. Still, she did a good job. Kudos, Jenna.
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| I swear, I have never seen her without that beanie. Maybe it isn't a beanie; maybe that's her head. |
The pit crew:
Chris, the other snowboarder, the man in pink himself. You tore down the slopes and thankfully didn’t tear up your ligaments. Despite a terrible taste in music, you provided moral support … no, actually, you didn’t. Why am I saying this?
Dishonourable mention for ditching us on every slope and crashing into Jenna.
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| One of the few other beards around the place, though. I will give him that. |
Shay, who was not recognized by Border Security for a hilarious moment. You gave skiing a solid effort in a onesie and must be commended.
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| AkShak McOnesie |
Matt, who got excited at all the food to try. You’ll get a bigger spot in future posts with your food reviews, so I’ll say no more now.
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| Poutine, Beaver Tails, Tim Horton's ... the list goes on |
Frank, who gave skiing a solid effort too. I actually did not spend loads of time with you on the slopes (not out of spite), so I have no idea as to your progress, but I’m sure progress happened.
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| Shay clearly wants Frank's spotlight |
The support crew:
Will, the SpeedBlitz Blue, who spoke to me endearingly when I got sick of American accents and needed to be reminded of home again.
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| He wore that jumper the entire time, I reckon |
Anna, who refused to share Felix with us.
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| This is Anna. She is not an elf, despite dreams otherwise. |
Felix, who didn’t have much say in the matter.
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| Oh Felix. We would write poetry about you and sing it outside your window all day, but you refused to listen. |
Andrew … our token Canadian man, who had never been to this part of the country before. We had met you literally 24 hours before this trip, and then I had to share a bed with you. I feel like that violates a life lesson or something, but hey, I survived, right?
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| Andrew ... the man, the legend. |
To start our trip, we piled into the Candy Van, a 12 seater van that deserved the name.
Road trip!!!
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| Before road trip start |
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| A few hours later |
Several hours later, we crossed the Canadian border fairly painlessly, and saw signs in metric!!!
It was wonderful.
Dinner in Vancouver was nice, and we saw wild Segways roaming the streets.
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| Melbourne, right? |
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| Harley enjoying his burger and |
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| Will out on the streets |
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| I'm in another country!!! |
They have bilingual road signs around the place, but not French. I think it’s Cree, but I could be wrong. We are heading to Skiwkw. I have no idea how to pronounce either, and I really wanna know how one pronounces the ‘7’.
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| I really wanna hear that said out loud |
Vancouver Review:
Vancouver felt a lot like Melbourne. Coffee-hipster zone, not too dirty, rather up-to-date. From my very brief and limited experience it was kinda like an inland colder Seattle.
We arrived safely, and sorted out rooms, and immediately went out onto the roof and got in trouble with security. Classic Aussies (and Kiwis).
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| The entrance to the Chateau |
There are many more stories to the Canadian trip, and I have lots of material this week, so that’s part one. Tune in next week for more Whistler adventures!!
Now, on with the show …
PB&J
So in Australia, when I was growing up I would have peanut butter and honey sandwiches every day. I still do. Second only to Vegemite, it's an iconic Aussie food.
And Americans don't know of it.
I first discovered this at Orion Health, where I worked with two Sri Lankans, an Indonesian, an Indian, a Canadian-Lebanese, and a whole lotta Kiwis. And some Aussies. And the Canadian girl ate PB&J[am, not jelly]. I would eat PB&H, and she thought I was weird, and everyone backed me up and said that America was weird and Canada followed.
I ate PB and jam there, cos she dared me, and it was alright. This was with a sensible ratio of bread to spread, and with jam.
I just tried PB&J. I wouldn't mind having some bread with it, next time.
The bread was literally 10mm thick, not that Americans know what that means. But it was drowned in peanut butter and this ... gelatinous ... substance ... that glows with a radioactive brightness and contains enough sugar to power New York for a week. I think they called it jelly.
It also had apple and banana.
Not nice.
Not a good sandwich.
Then we asked about proper Jelly, like Aeroplane Jelly jelly, and they said that was Jell-O.
We asked if they ate it with ice cream, like normal humans.
They thought we were weird.
So in Australia, when I was growing up I would have peanut butter and honey sandwiches every day. I still do. Second only to Vegemite, it's an iconic Aussie food.
And Americans don't know of it.
I first discovered this at Orion Health, where I worked with two Sri Lankans, an Indonesian, an Indian, a Canadian-Lebanese, and a whole lotta Kiwis. And some Aussies. And the Canadian girl ate PB&J[am, not jelly]. I would eat PB&H, and she thought I was weird, and everyone backed me up and said that America was weird and Canada followed.
I ate PB and jam there, cos she dared me, and it was alright. This was with a sensible ratio of bread to spread, and with jam.
I just tried PB&J. I wouldn't mind having some bread with it, next time.
The bread was literally 10mm thick, not that Americans know what that means. But it was drowned in peanut butter and this ... gelatinous ... substance ... that glows with a radioactive brightness and contains enough sugar to power New York for a week. I think they called it jelly.
It also had apple and banana.
Not nice.
Not a good sandwich.
Then we asked about proper Jelly, like Aeroplane Jelly jelly, and they said that was Jell-O.
We asked if they ate it with ice cream, like normal humans.
They thought we were weird.
Backwards continent.
US Sports again
So we had an intern whirly ball comp, and my team, the mighty Thunder Down Under, tied first, whatever Jenna and Will might say. This was due to our clearly superior strategy of having strikers and defenders, like soccer, rather than general chaos, like Gridiron seems to resemble (For American viewers, 'gridiron' is what we call your 'football', because a) it is barely played with the feet, and b) there are other types of football in the world, you know).
I would also like to point out that we a) had a better Whirly ball score than Karl's team, and he is no longer the prettiest lady, and b) we beat Sarah's team by a significant margin. Just had to rub that in one more time.
Gridiron
There was another game on Sunday. That was the semis.
The run-down of the game shall come in future Whistler posts, cos I watched it there. This was the NFC.
And then the winners of the AFC and the NFC play together.
What do those things stand for, I hear you ask?
National Football Conference and American Football Conference.
Cos National is different to American .... ?
Yeah, I think it's dumb too.
And you know what?
Early on, there were multiple NFCs throughout the country, that not every state was involved in. National comps that were not national.
America, do you not understand the inconsistency?
You also have the World Series for baseball, which ........ is played in only one country. The Untied States.
And I thought our drop-bear hunting competitions were stupid.
Speaking of drop bears ...
(Sorry, Sarah, but I simply cannot resist saying this)
Achievement Unlocked: Convinced an American that drop bears are real!
I am so proud of this.
But wait, there's more.
Not only did I achieve that, she then went and told her friends ... and convinced them! Do I get a bonus for each extra person?
Now I just need to convince Americans that Tony Abbott is real ....
However, as Ford pointed out, the actually real animals in Australia are indeed far scarier and deadlier than drop bears. Have you seen a bunyip attack its prey? Geez.
And the locals. After the drop-bears, I tried to convince Sarah that the boomerang was a weapon, but I'm not sure she believed that one. I think I've become the Boy who cried Wolf. Or Teddy from Memento. Don't believe his lies.
But you know what?
This, from Wikipedia, the source of all knowledge:
"A boomerang is a thrown tool, typically constructed as a flat aerofoil, that is designed to spin about an axis perpendicular to the direction of its flight.
A returning boomerang is designed to return to the thrower.
It is well known as a weapon used by Indigenous Australians for hunting"
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boomerang)
Oh snap.
I'm not a liar after all (some of the time)
I'm honest, which is worse than dishonest, cos you can never tell when I'm going to do something incredibly ... stupid.
To end this ramble, this is what we have in our foyers at work. Just hanging around.
What do those things stand for, I hear you ask?
National Football Conference and American Football Conference.
Cos National is different to American .... ?
Yeah, I think it's dumb too.
And you know what?
Early on, there were multiple NFCs throughout the country, that not every state was involved in. National comps that were not national.
America, do you not understand the inconsistency?
You also have the World Series for baseball, which ........ is played in only one country. The Untied States.
And I thought our drop-bear hunting competitions were stupid.
Speaking of drop bears ...
(Sorry, Sarah, but I simply cannot resist saying this)
Achievement Unlocked: Convinced an American that drop bears are real!
I am so proud of this.
But wait, there's more.
Not only did I achieve that, she then went and told her friends ... and convinced them! Do I get a bonus for each extra person?
Now I just need to convince Americans that Tony Abbott is real ....
However, as Ford pointed out, the actually real animals in Australia are indeed far scarier and deadlier than drop bears. Have you seen a bunyip attack its prey? Geez.
And the locals. After the drop-bears, I tried to convince Sarah that the boomerang was a weapon, but I'm not sure she believed that one. I think I've become the Boy who cried Wolf. Or Teddy from Memento. Don't believe his lies.
But you know what?
This, from Wikipedia, the source of all knowledge:
"A boomerang is a thrown tool, typically constructed as a flat aerofoil, that is designed to spin about an axis perpendicular to the direction of its flight.
A returning boomerang is designed to return to the thrower.
It is well known as a weapon used by Indigenous Australians for hunting"
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boomerang)
Oh snap.
I'm not a liar after all (some of the time)
I'm honest, which is worse than dishonest, cos you can never tell when I'm going to do something incredibly ... stupid.
To end this ramble, this is what we have in our foyers at work. Just hanging around.
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| Master Chef, American Elevator |
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| Life-sized |
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